..: Piercings :..

So, on Tuesday, Ibdecided to go get 2 lip piercing's done.

..: Life Goes On :..

So, over the last week, it has been really good!

Jesse and I have been better than ever, and I think it's because we have the new baby kitten, she has brightened up our darkest days :)

Speaking of little lucifer, she had her first bath today :)

We've had a lot of people come to visit us over the last week too, gooooooodness me, we had 5 people over in 5 days. That is a lot for us haha.

Good times though, it was really fun :)

..: Life Lately :..

So, lately.... I have been doing alright.

I got paid on Wednesday, bought some groceries, picked up my new kitten 'Lucifer', and then on Thursday I had a friend come stay over night.
Friday we went to the beach, and we got some sushi and noodles :)
Then on Saturday, we had another friend come over for a few hours to visit, which was nice.

Then today, my partner has his friend over playing video games and having some beers.

It's been nice to have a little bit of cash and that we could go out and have something nice to eat.

I can't wait until next fortnight though, to get paid again! haha

I need to take lucifer to the vets to get a vaccination then too, so hopefully that won't cost me more than $100.

She is a very cute little kitty :) I love her.

..: Lucifer :..

Tomorrow I am picking up my new kitten, lucifurr :) :D

She is only $20!!! :D

But, I do miss my kitty, 'gothic', I have had her for 7 years and she has been my best friend and the best cat I could ever ask for....

I really hope she never forgets me... I love her so much and I can't wait to see her at xmas time :)

I miss her cuddles, her fluffy fur, her beautiful big eyes, her friendly and cuddly personality, and snuggling her in bed.... :( I really miss her.

..: Excitement :..

It's one day until payday!!! Looking forward to getting paid and finally having a bit of cash left over for myself!

I decided I am going to start putting away $40 in an envelope each fortnight, hopefully one day that will be a big wad of cash!
And even after saving that $40 this week, I will still have $75 for myself, thats without having to pay for any more bills....

If I want to buy myself something nice with that $75, I can!!!

But, I probably won't.... I'll keep it for emergency cash.

Apart from that, Jesse has his job interview today at 3pm! YAY!
I really hope he gets the job, that will make our financial situations so much easier and stress free.


The only issue is, he can't seem to find his birth certificate, and they really need that before they process and go ahead with his application.
We have previously just moved house 2 weeks ago, so he may just need to tell them that....
But, he did work for this company for 7 years, so maybe they will already have it on file???

OH! And I woke up with my hair perfect today, don't have to style it one bit!

Oh well, nevertheless, today is a good day :)

..: Ahead :..

So, I woke up this morning thinking it was Saturday.
Then to my disappointment, it's actually SUNDAY!!!!!

How did I lose an entire day? haha

Anyway, it's good to know it's Sunday, that means we are a day ahead/closer to Jesse's job interview, and also one day closer to pay day!!!

Last night wasn't very fun....
I sat down with Jesse and let my heart flow....

I have been bottling up my issues over the past week, and it was time I spoke my mind.

I told him that these financial issues are starting to put a strain on our relationship, and that I can't pay for his bills anymore.
It's not fair that I have to pay for him as well as myself, and I am on a low income as it is... I'm left with no money every fortnightly payment and I can't go out shopping or get a pedicure, or buy myself anything nice lately.

I think it's been about 2 months now that I have said " I'm going to get a pedicure next week ", and alas, a bill arrives, and I can't treat myself to something I really need for my gross cracked heels!

I also explained that I feel as if we aren't really in a relationship anymore...
We just sit on the couch watching tv, just as if we are two mates hanging out.

We hardly have any romance anymore.

Well, ha... His "romance" wasn't exactly romantic, maybe a hug or a kiss once a day.

Anyway, I told him something really needs to change, or else I am considering leaving.
I can't be in a relationship where it's all on me.
A relationship needs to be 50/50, not "You can just pay for everything and I'll sit here and play PS3 while you clean the house by yourself while you asked me 10 times anyway, also don't forget to cook me food, and here is my affection for you; thanks"

It's really pushing me to the edge lately, and I don't want to leave him...I really don't.
But, maybe that's because I live so far away from my hometown that I don't really have a choice?
Maybe I just have to stick it out for the next 12 months of my life being miserable...

Anyway, he better get a job and change himself quick smart, because I'm clearly not happy in this relationship at the moment.

..: Light at the end of the funnel :..

OK!!!! Now we might be getting somewhere!!! FINALLY! :D

Jesse got a phone call this afternoon for a job interview on Tuesday.
I really hope he gets the job, because that will lift so much of our financial issue off of our shoulders.

We might be able to finally just get on top of everything, finally be able to breath without having to worry if we can spend $20 on Mcdonalds or do we need to save it because an unexpected bill will MOST LIKELY (and it does every time without fail) come in the mail.

With his extra money from a job, we will finally be able to go out for a dinner or a nice lunch together.
We haven't had a datenight in at least 2 months...

We went to a friends birthday dinner a month ago, but, it's not the same as going out for a romantic night together.

Not that my partner is very "romantic" anyway....
But, I guess that's only because he has had a lack of funds since being together, so he can't really treat me like the princess I am! ;)

After my rent, groceries, loan repayments, and paying back a few people money.... I will have $78.00 left for myself to last me 2 weeks.

*sigh*

Oh well, at least after paying everyone back, my next fortnight payment I will have $230 for myself.... THANKKKKKKKK LORD!

I mean, I say that I'll have that much money, but something will come up, and I will be broke yet again.

$230 is a lot of money to me lately...

I used to just spend my centrelink payments like there was no tomorrow.
I obviously lived with my parents at the time, so I had no rent or bills to pay....
So, I just went out shopping, getting tattoos, going out drinking with friends or travelling to Melbourne or Sydney to work at international heavy metal tours with Soundworks Touring, Strike Hard Bookings and more....

Those were the days....Those were the days.

And those days were honestly a year ago....

Shit changes so fucking fast, it's crazy what can happen in a year and how you change.

Anyway, I'm thinking that because I'm not supposed to be working, maybe I should just focus on me for a while....
Getting pretty at home, feeling presentable and work hard on my appearance.

Sounds shallow and selfish, I know.
But, I mean, I'm not happy at the moment, and I guess the only thing I can do is try to make myself feel better and pretty.

..: FUCK :..

Ughhhhhhh, here we go again with more bills and money issues.

My partner and I needed to go back to our previous home today and do some extra cleaning touchup's, just as my partner was finishing to clean the tiles around the edge of the wall in the bathroom, he slipped over on the freshly mopped floor, and made a HUGE hole in the wall. :(

We really don't need any more bill's, we are so fed up with it...And my partner has about $300 debt at the moment due to bills.

I just wish we could get a break....
When is it our turn to have the nice life?

We have only been together for 7 months, and already, we have gone through so much shit that couples who have been together for years are only just starting to fight about now.

He has been applying for some jobs online, I really hope he gets one.
We can use all the help we can get right now.

I know their are people far off worse than our situation, but man....Being poor really fucking sucks.
I've never in my life been this poor,I have always had money and been able to go out and do stuff.

Being an adult really sucks.

..: D - DAY :..

Good morning interwebs, Still in a dep mood today, I hope that I feel somewhat better throughout the day. I regret not being able to attend my interview for the body piercing apprenticeship today, but at the same time, it is really far away for me to travel. It would take me about 2.5 hours to get from my home to the CBD each day.... I don't think I am ready for that just yet. I have a feeling that my anxiety would make me not want to attend work due to the distance each day. Still annoyed about money, -$20.00 in my bank account right now. 6 days until pay day, and I have hardly any food left to last us the rest of the week. If my boyfriend stopped eating twice the amount of food per meal, I am sure we would have left overs. haha Anyway, last night I told my boyfriend I was feeling down, and all he did was just sit on the playstation 3, he didn't really seem to care. So, I just went to bed...He did come to check up on me and make sure I am ok, but at the same time, when I told him I was sad, he should have put down the controller and taken care of me. First thing this morning; wakes up - turns on playstation 3. Ugh.

..: Down :..

I'm feeling rather down tonight.... I'm not sure why. Normally I am in a good mood, but tonight I am just so down on myself. When I was 16 - 19, I was suffering with severe depression. There were times when I did try to kill myself, and I was admitted to the local mental health hospital for a few nights. Now, I suffer from Anxiety, which is horrible.... I wouldn't like talking on the phone, I wouldn't even answer it, or I would get my mum to talk to the person on the phone for me. Or, when I would go into a super market, I would panic and worry that because I felt so strange in my head (dazed, confused and cloudy), that people would think I am either; A) going to steal something, because I looked so nervous. or B) i was worried I looked as if I was high on drugs, and I didn't want anyone to think that of me or get the wrong impression. I currently take Lovan 20mg, it works wonders for me, but like tonight, I do get my off moments when I feel down. I've been having a lot of issues lately with money. And it really is starting to drag me down. I live with my boyfriend, who is currently on a payment plan to get his business started. But, the amount of income he is provided is even lower than mine, and I have been on a DSP (disability support pension) with centrelink, for the past 4 years. I care about him a lot, but at the same time I really need some of that money for myself.... I am a girl after all and I need to go shopping darn it! I dunno, I mean, I wish I could go and get a job, and sometimes I feel as if I am ready for one, but then I have a panic attack out of nowhere, and I lose hope. I was looking into getting an apprenticeship for professional body piercing, I have an appointment tomorrow at 1:30pm to go and talk to the lady at the studio about it.... But, alas, anxiety strikes again and I don't want to go. I really need to clear my head of the bullshit in there at the moment. I really need to start looking at my life and where I am. Am I happy?.... Sometimes. Right now in my life?.... No.

..: Introduction :..

I suppose I should introduce myself...

I'm Sasha. I am 23 years young. Overweight. (and always have been) Lover of Heavy Metal for the past 10 years. Lover of animals. (cute animals are my weakness) I find oddities very interesting antiques. I read tarot cards. I have tattoos. I love Mario Bros, GTA5 and Call Of Duty. I need more money. My house is opposite a beach. I have suffered with adha, depression and now anxiety. These are my stories....and this is my life.